Hello out there! For Brenda...

Brenda is my second mom. I talked to her tonight and she said she missed me. You know, in the blogging world. So I thought I would catch you guys up. So...Hello all! I am alive. It's been a while. Judgement House is over, and what a mixture of emotions! First and foremost, all I can say is WOW! It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. 168 people accepted Christ after going through it. Over 1900 people went through. Awesome. If you didn't get a chance to go through it, make sure to look out for it next year, as I am SURE we will be doing it again. But, am I glad to be getting sleep again? Absolutely! Any updates on me? Not so much, not really. Chugging away as usual. Can't believe it's almost Thanksgiving and I can't even remember what I did for Thanksgiving last year. Family...wanna help me out? I really can't remember. But speaking of holidays...I know it seems more like a New Year's Resolution of sorts, but have you ever just decided to give something a try just to see if it changes how you view things? No, I am not talking about some sort of drug or crazy thing like that. Some time near the beginning of the year, I decided to give people a break. Really, I know I have my own issues that nobody understands but me, and I also know they are a part of me because of the way I grew up, or something that has happened to me in life. Good, bad, whatever...our circumstances have a lot to do with who we are. So I made it a point to try and look at people with some level of understanding that they are the way they are for a reason. Now there are the few exceptions who are intolerable no matter which way you spin it...but for the most part, if you look past the attitude or the quirky behavior, you'll find a valid reason. I am not sure why I started doing this. But I can say that it definitely changes how I see people. The truth is, I will never fully know you and you will never fully know me. But that doesn't mean we can't accept people on the "somewhat unknowns" of their lives. Have you ever known anyone who was just an outcast? Truly an outcast and you couldn't stand to be around them? Then you found out something they had to deal with in life and you felt terrible for them and disgusted with yourself for being so shallow? So I just decided to give people a chance. For crying out loud, nobody is perfect and even though we think we are normal, at least one person we know would tell us quite openly, that we are not :) It's been very interesting to try this little experiment (one that I hope becomes a permanent characteristic for me). It's not only interesting to see how you react to someone, but also how they respond when they look at you and see genuine acceptance. It's almost as you can see the light turn on in them and all of a sudden they become...dare I say?...Normal? Define normal anyway. Not one mirror in my house can define it. I'll bet yours can't either. But don't worry, I love you anyway! JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!

Sanka, Ya Dead? Yeah Man.

OK, that was a quote from the movie Cool Runnings if you didn't get the title. But we are becoming defeated. It seems like everyone around me is sick with illness of some sort-myself included. Not only that but 2 people close to me are in the hospital recovering from surgeries. And not only that...2 families I know of are mourning an unexpected loss of a loved one this weekend. And not only that...3 people I know personally and 2 other acquaintances are enduring the suffering of watching someone they love face an eternal illness. What is going to be the next "not only that"? Is it just me? Or are illness and hardship lurking in every corner? I am not trying to be negative as I write this. My faith is strong and no matter what happens, I believe it's all part of God's plan. But we sure seem to be hard headed that God would have to send such pain and suffering to get our attention and I think this is just a glimpse of what is to come. Please don't take that the wrong way. I am not in any way saying that the people suffering have done something disobedient or something horrible to deserve what they are experiencing. What I am trying to say is that I have spoken one on one with several of the folks mentioned above and I am trying to help them realize that we don't know the answers for why God works the way He does. We, as humans, want to question and doubt and blame. All He requires of us in these situations is that we put our faith in Him and we endure the storm. He is in control. He can see the end result. He can see past the pain and suffering and He knows what He is doing. We may never know. That's the difference between how we see it and how He sees it. The timeframe we suffer through, and the blink of an eye it is relation to eternity. We know that's how it works though. The questions we have to ask ourselves are: Are we living a life that glorifies Him no matter what we are facing? That's a hard one for us "Negative Nellies". Are we truly believing there is a divine reason for the hardship? Most importantly, are we trusting and patient enough to let His plan unfold? A passage the guides have the privilege to say in Judgement House is from Revelation chapter 7. It says, "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes." I can't say that without crying. All is said and done, we will suffer no more, we will question no more, we will grieve no more, we will cry no more. Amazing. Are you strong enough to tough it out until God reaches out to you, places his hand on your face, and wipes away every...EVERY tear from your eyes? I can say that I have never experienced the kind of suffering some of these folks are going through. But I pray already-because I know that day will come-that I have the faith and the understanding to endure the storm...for His glory. And I hope I focus on knowing that there will be a day when I will not even remember what pain felt like. I pray for these people I've mentioned, and if you would, please say a prayer for them as well. God knows who they are. Thank you.

The dark has passed.

Cadence is finally over her week-long illness and so far, Kennedy hasn't come down with it. -- Quick!  Everybody knock on wood!--So I think we are safe for now.  

I have decided that it is usually really late (at least for me) when I make posts and I think I become extra sappy the later it gets, so I will try not to get all mushy with this one.  But the truth is, I guess I am a pretty emotional person.  OK, maybe that's not the right words.  Deep feeler/thinker?  I don't know.

I laugh at myself and even had to explain to someone tonight that I have been told -on more than one occasion, by multiple people- that I am "such a dude".  This, meaning in a relationship sense.  Since my divorce, I haven't dated anyone with a true, deep in my heart, intention of it ever becoming more.  Either I am too time limited, or I am terrified, or whatever the reason is, I seem to always find a way to get out of the commitment part.  So on one hand, I do feel like I don't give people a true shot and I might dismiss something good too quickly, but on the other hand, I just don't think I've been given the opportunity with the person who will bring out that desire in me.   So, does this mean I will be a "dude" forever?  Lord, I hope not.  I have the ability to love someone very deeply, and I believe wholeheartedly that true love really exists.  I think I will love again someday...and only God knows when I will be ready for all that.  Let's just pray it's not "never"...cause this dude stuff really bites. :)