Truly lost

For you non-saps, don't read this...I have a lot to share...Hello out there. It has been a long time since I have written, and a TON of things have happened in my life. Some I will share. Others, I'd rather not. Some have beaten me up pretty bad, but I am hanging in there. Updates on us...Kennedy was baptized on June 29th. I am so proud of her. Cadence is changing into this little chatter box who cracks me up. They both do with these nutty personalities, but Cadence has really come out of her shell lately. To call either girl sassy, is a HUGE understatement; however, MOST of the time, they keep it under control and it comes out funny and not disobedient. To add an update on me, I don't even know where to start. I haven't written about this because it's been very difficult for me to understand from the very beginning, so I had to deal with it one day at a time, and couldn't really explain a lot of what was happening. In a nutshell, I had finally given in to letting someone love me and to love wholeheartedly in return...I know...HUGE step for me. One that I honestly thought I would never be able to do before the girls were much older. But the situation was very complicated, to say the least. After much prayer and all situations considered, he and I now understand that we cannot be together. We've gone down an extensive road and our answer is a no. I do have to just talk for a minute though, about this man. I have only known him since September of last year, so not even a full year but it seems like a lifetime. He quickly became my best friend and someone I knew I loved very much; I just didn't really know how I loved him. Me and all my issues created quite a wall for someone to climb or at least penetrate through. However, he never gave up on me. He worked with me on all my issues with a pure and loving heart and encouraging me every step of the way. He loved me unconditionally and I can honestly say that I did things and said things to him that would have pushed any other man away. I had my own personal demons to deal with and instead of running away, he helped me fight them with a loving heart (sometimes tough love) and open arms through the entire process. I know that we haven't known each other that long, and it's not like one of those e-harmony things where we didn't spend real, quality time together. We met at church and we spent a lot of time together when he lived here in KY. But I can say without a doubt that he knew (knows) exactly how to love me. He wasn't perfect, and he knew I wasn't either. But he learned to love me as a person with faults. He didn't judge me, instead he got to know me better and to truly understand how I needed him to love me. I can honestly tell you that his love amazes me, it overwhelms me, and it paints a true picture of a Godly love-one that is unconditional. I have never had another human love me the way he has, and for that, I will be forever grateful to him. I told him all the time that I felt my love in return paled in comparison because I was time-contrained and emotionally-constrained for a long time. He assured me that I gave him plenty of love in return, but I just don't see how what I gave him, was ever worthy of what he gave me. The complication...he is gone now and living in another state. Because he is a wonderful father who is putting his child first, and I am the best mom I can be and keeping the girls close to their dad, we simply can't be together. Our prayer was not selfishly for our own happiness, but for what was best for our children and we prayed sincerely for God's will in our lives. I realize that we can't be together, and I know that God put him in my path for a reason. Maybe it was to teach me that I can be loved and can love in that way, after all. Who knows? But what I do know, is that even though I trust God completely and I know that He knows best...I hurt. I am truly at a loss on how to function. Because of the frienship we created at first, he became my "earthly" comfort. He was the one I talked to about everything going on in my life and he was the first person I called when anything happened to me. Good, bad, the ugly. I told him everything. Now, we are trying to distance ourselves because we know that we need to. But it's painful, and it creates a monster-sized emptiness. The saddest part about me is that I probably "missed" that kind of love all along. But I was too blind to even notice with all my "dude rules" or didn't even have time to care. I knew I was a little empty in that category, but I had plenty of laundry and mom-duties to fill the void. And I had so many walls, I honestly thought nobody would ever really get through anyway. But now that I've felt it, it's just hard to let it go, even though I know it's the right thing to do. Along with that, there are some other things going on with me...job, finances, family, the usual...but any prayers you could offer up on my behalf, would be much appreciated. Sorry to pour all of this out, I just had to finally talk about it. Thank you guys for loving me through all of my babbling...and Adam, thank you for showing me a love that I have never known. You are an amazing and wonderful man and I am so, so thankful that God blessed me through you. Knowing you and being loved by you has been the most amazing, life-changing experience, and I will never forget what you have done for me. I love you.

Kennedy's GREAT decision!

For those who don't know, Kennedy is my 6 year old. She prayed on June 4th to receive Christ. She has prayed before, but she didn't really "get it". Well that Wednesday night she was asking a lot of questions, so when we got home, we got out our bibles and I took her through the Romans Road and we talked about each step. I asked if she wanted to talk to the children's pastor some more or pray and she said talk to the pastor. But before bedtime, she said, "Mommy, I want to pray." I said, "OK" because she says the prayer most nights anyway. She said, "No, I want to pray THAT prayer." So I led her through the prayer and she repeated it and we talked about it some more with lots of hugs and a few tears. Then I tucked Cadence (her 4 year old sister) into bed and came back to Kennedy and she was just beaming. I said, "Why are you so happy?" Her answer was, "Because now I know I am going to live in heaven with Jesus." So we met with the Children's pastor the next week so he could get a gauge on her level of understanding and he said to me, "Mom, she got it. She has a full understanding of what she did and it was sincere." Wow!!!! She is going to be baptized on June 29th. GO KENNEDY!!!!!!!!! And how blessed do I feel to have been there and experience it with her?!?!?! I told some of you about this already, but just had to share with the rest of the world, JUST HOW EXCITED I AM!!!!!

I can't wait to watch how the Lord will work in Kennedy's life. She is in for some amazing times ahead. Not always easy, but amazing.

Thank you all for being a blessing to me and those of you who know Kennedy personally, thank you for being in her life.

God Bless!

The Alarm

I asked you guys to share funny stories with me a while back, so I decided to share my funniest, most embarrassing moment ever-with you guys. It involves firemen. Even better. It's kinda long, so bear with it. Let me set the scene. This all happened about 2 years ago. If you don't know me by now, to say I am a sucker for a man in uniform is an understatement. I was driving down the road one day with the girls in the back seat. I pull up in the lane beside a fire truck and this HOT fireman is waving at me...or so I think, until I look in the back and the girls are waving at him. He is just returning the favor. That next Saturday, I take the girls to some family fun event and there is a fire truck...lo and behold, Mr. Hottie Fireman is there and I smile and move on. But man, he was hot. So that Tuesday, I had an event at work and was there until about 8pm. The girls were with their dad, so I walk into my empty house. I take off my shoes and then this noise starts coming from somewhere. An alarm is going off in my house. It's coming from above the sink but there is no alarm there. I open the cabinets, I check under the sink, I pull out the ladder and TRY to peek in the attic to see if something is amiss. Carbon monoxide detector maybe? But nothing. Nadda. Couldn't see anything strange. I call the landlord and get his voicemail. The noise is obnoxiously loud and I am wondering if my neighbors are annoyed by this point. I don't have anyone close by at the moment to call, so I call the fire department's NON-EMERGENCY number in the phone book, explain the situation and ask if someone could come and check it out. A few minutes later, I am watching in disbelief as 3 fire trucks surround my house and the fourth parks just down the street. Spotlights, yes, spotlights, sirens, and red flashing lights are everywhere. My entire front yard is covered in fully dressed fireman, complete with oxygen tanks, boots and hats. I do a quick scan to make sure Mr. Hottie is not among them. He isn't. Whew! I lead the main fireman into my house and a few others follow in behind me. [Let me stop the story here and reiterate that I am a single mom. My house isn't always the cleanest and almost every visitor might get a glimpse of clean or dirty laundry somewhere in the house. At this particular house, there is no dishwasher, so there is a sink full of dirty dishes soaking in water, complete with broccoli floating in the top]. But it's OK. I need to make sure my house is safe when the girls get home. So the main fireman goes to the sink. Like me, he is looking up because the sound is the loudest from the ceiling. He looks in the cabinets and all around. Nothing. Then he proceeds to ask me where my fire alarms are in the house. One is in the hallway by the bathroom. It is up and functional and not going off. The second one...I look up...it is supposed to be by the back door. But it's not there. Wait...what did I do with it? Oh yeah, I changed the battery last week and hadn't put it up yet. I had laid it on a pass way from the living room to the kitchen, but as I look around, I don't see it anywhere. So the fireman starts to dig through my dirty dishwater. I don't realize what he is doing right away but as he swishes his hand around the sink, sure enough amongst the broccoli, is my back door fire alarm going off down in the water. The sound was muffled by the water but was bouncing off the ceiling explaining why it was louder from above. I guess one of the girls thought it was a bowl and happy-little-helpered it into the sink. As my face turns bright red and I want to cry, sure enough, I look over my left shoulder and who gets a front row view of my genius level? Yep. Mr. Hottie fireman. Ugh! The firemen ROLLED in hysterics laughing at me. They got my name and address and told me they had to make sure I was correctly blacklisted for playing pranks. My only response was, "How else can a single girl get this many firemen's attention all at once?" I was SOOO embarrassed. I tried to blame it on the girls, but as you know, they weren't home. So I have a hidden fire alarm and a messy house, but no visual kids to blame it on. They thought I was crazy. But it makes for a good laugh...so I hope you got a chuckle and I hope you have a great week!